When My Mind Works In A Perverse, Let's Not Call This Idyllic, Kind Of Way
This morning I feel down.
Last night was the same.
Although yesterday I had a great day.
It’s reasonable to ask, why the sudden change?
The answer is simple. Unfortunately I sometimes have a frustrating and destructive way of thinking. I de-construct conversations that I have had with people, often long after they have taken place, and convince myself that I must have behaved in an ignorant, arrogant or just incredibly stupid manner.
Like a dick, if I am being honest.
Which of course is exactly what I am being when I have these crazy conversations with myself in my head.
And I know that this is common. People do it all the time.
Of course, sometimes I will be spot on when I think this way. I am more than capable of being any of those things at certain times. We all are, no matter how hard we try not to. But often, mostly, it is just my mind working in a perverse, let’s not call this idyllic, kind of way. And once it has sown its seeds of doubt then the natural response is to dislike myself intensely, lock the door, close the curtains and hide away for a week or two. Mainly to give those people that had probably not noticed whatever I had said in the first place, some time to forget it and move on.
Or, if my mind thinks that could take a while, I may just decide that the best option is to never see them again. Just in case they thought I was an idiot, of course.
I had a really enjoyable day at the football with friends yesterday. But now I am trying to forget all about it.
Our minds really do play some very obvious and rather ridiculous games with us at times, don’t they?.