Today, It's My Turn To Struggle
It is, I feel, sadly inevitable.
Inevitable that, during this period of inexplicable confusion and isolation, I have decided to post about mental health.
A topic close to my heart and something that I have touched on previously on these pages. From both a general and personal perspective.
And we all struggle, at times, with our mental health.
Everyone.
Many are unable or unwilling to admit it.
But some do.
And, albeit a little reluctantly at times, I am able to say that I am one of them.
And today, it would appear, I have discovered that struggling during lock down in a busy house, there really is nowhere to hide. Nowhere to be alone when the familiar clouds of worthlessness start to descend.
And descend they do.
Often, for reasons unclear or trivial.
But always, in the moment, totally justifiable.
It's funny, in some ways.
Funny that I have only just been thinking and posting about the importance of positivity in this blog. Timely, of course, during a challenging period like this. When stress and pressure and risk is ramped up and the resulting feelings and emotions are more intense than usual. And maybe just a little ironic that, despite being capable and reasonably aware of my triggers, I find myself enveloped in the familiar grey fog again.
Today I have taken an unexpected step away from my usual path and lost my direction for a while.
Thankfully, I always find it again.
Always.
But the time it can take to get back on track varies. How long to work my way through the self-doubt? How long to remind myself how important it is to break the cycle of addictive feelings that go with a self-esteem crash? And how long to genuinely convince myself that people around me are being supportive rather than judgmental?
As long as it takes, of course.
But these things, these feelings, are as real and, at times, just as debilitating as many physical ailments. It just doesn’t always look that way.
So today, it's my turn to struggle. My choice, my fight.
Tomorrow, well, I hope that after the fog clears I can reach out and help someone else with theirs.
