Forever On A Martyr Trip
Forever on a martyr trip, as I later became aware, I got used to offering others what they lead me to believe they wanted.
Whilst basking in my own personal neglect, of course.
“It’s who I am, just me being me,” I would shout, feeling my superiority flow as I completely ignored my own needs and desires.
Mostly oblivious, everyone else just got on with their lives rather than ever consider what was driving my selfless moments of sacrifice.
To allow others to be prioritised, I rapidly learned, was a fast track towards loneliness and indifference rather than a route to any kind of appreciation or connection.
People took what they wanted without a backward glance, even when I tried to throw a little guilt into the mix.
I mean, it was like any levels of perception or even gratitude completely dissolved when they understood that what was being offered came willingly and without a price tag.
And I realised, eventually, that I had done a fantastic job in making them who they were. These people in my life that I fed and watered so loyally.
I mean, who would have thought that when you allow others to get what they want all of the time it is only ever going to end one way?
